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Bella Spaghetti
30 October 2011 @ 03:25 pm
I've had nothing much to post about lately. I need to get back into the swing of that. I had a surprise on this last paycheck of mine though... a raise! Finally! I didn't even have to ask :)

In the navyCollapse )
Bella Spaghetti
26 September 2011 @ 12:41 pm
I've had so much time, yet I never feel like writing. I bought a car last Monday. I needed to buy one by the end of the month, and I had just enough to put down $1,000 on it, so I did it. I'm extremely excited and pleased about it, but unfortunately I'm broke as hell until Friday now. Liz and Zack have been treating me to Top Notch, which is really sweet of them. My car is a 2011 Scion xD. It's a baby and only had 45 miles on it when I left the lot. I did a lot of research about cars, so I feel good about everything. Plus it's AWESOME on gas. I'm a total nerd and I'm excited about this making my credit even better. It felt neat being treated nice because of something like that. They didn't even have to ask me to prove my income or ask any questions. I just qualified for the lowest interest rate and they handed me the keys. It makes me proud because when I was 18 I almost ruined my credit with medical bills and just generally not caring. Now that I'm essentially on my own (my parents haven't been any help for years), it's important that I have things like that to put me in good situations.
I bought the car, because I decided to go back to my job in Evanston. Everything just feels right about it. Especially if I want to start school again, I know that with that job I have time and understanding from my boss. It's going to be a long communte, and somewhat expensive, but still worth it. I have to drive to the train station, pay for parking (I'm guessing about $35 per month), buy an unlimited train pass for the month ($102), ride that for 30 mins, transfer to the CTA purple line train (~$100 month), ride that directly to work (I'm guessing that'll be about 30 mins). Does that sound crazy? Maybe. Not to me though, I'm excited about it. I had a long time to think about it, and everything feels right. Sure it's a lot of money wasted in commute as a whole (car, insurance, trains, parking), but even so I have money to afford that without worrying, build up savings, get my hair done, buy the food I like to eat, and have money for clothes or whatever else. Plus I'm going to a job that I miss and enjoy.
Things with me and Scott are much better. We both got to the point of almost ending it, but it was just due to miscommunication again. Unfortunately that's easy in a situation like this. We had a long talk and realized we don't want to just give up. If I was going through some hard times, I would want Scott to stand by me, so I'm doing that for him. I'm not willing to give up everything over one incident, so we will fight to make things work. I'm driving out to see him October 14th, and then we will make plans to see each other at least once a month from then on. I think that will help a lot.
*knocks on desk* My face was been clear for 3 months now. I got two on my chin, but it's probably from the crap food I've been eating. I'm very very happy. Even the texture of my skin is different. It's definitely something from the inside out. Also Liz showed me how much sugarfree candy there is, it's crazy. I've eaten more candy lately than I have in years.

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Bella Spaghetti
18 September 2011 @ 01:39 am
Jets To Brazil - Cat Heaven

In the dream that awakened me,
you had come and taken me to a sea of stars.
The cat stood in the flowers, two ears above.
And the ground that was under me
was holding me so wonderfully on a bed of leaves
and you were there with me and we were free.
Everything we saw was beautiful and strong and I knew we belonged.
Then the birds came and carried us to the sky
and married us on a bed of stars
where I was always yours and you were mine.
And in the long black eternity I loved you so perfectly in the words of clouds,
like a bird sings to his flowers and I was heard.
Everything I saw was everything I'd want
and this world had just begun to live.
Don't wake me up.
I can't wake up from this.
Everyone was forgiven, made hopeful,
made living, made winning tonight.
So captain please consider me.
Let the boats deliver me when I close my eyes.
Drive captain drive.
It's time for everything to be perfect.
For everything to stop hurting.
Tonight. Don't wake me up.
Bella Spaghetti
28 August 2011 @ 03:17 pm

I start my part-time job tomorrow, and Friday I have an interview for a full-time job. I'm excited about getting a full-time job, because I budgeted my old salary to fit my current situation, and holy shit. I can afford a car, create a wonderful amount of savings, and start working on my 401k even with my not so amazing old salary. Did you know that if I put in only 10% of my salary into a 401k with the minimum percentage of employer contribution at 65 I'd have 1.5 mil to retire with? That's within minimum employer percentage and this low salary range I'm currently in. With a higher contribution and a larger salary... shit. I'm not worried about stuff anymore, I've got this. If I can't get into the dental hygiene school for a few years, an HR career is going to be easy to fall back on, because I already have real world experience. I just need the stupid BA degree to somehow justify my worth. I'm excited about living a modest, middle class life with decent things. This quote has meant everything to me recently, I just repeat it to myself whenever I'm feeling down:
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life — It goes on." - Robert Frost.
Life. Goes. On.
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Bella Spaghetti
15 August 2011 @ 11:12 am
I've finally gotten all settled down at my dad's. After rushing to get signed up for school, things ended up not being able to fall into place in time, and I'm going to have to start school in January. It's okay, because I can focus on my job hunt for now. I'm currently looking for full-time work, so hopefully I can find it around here. There are two dental hygiene programs here, but one of them is considered "out-of-district", and I have virtually no chance of getting into it because of that. My other option is Indiana University Northwest, which accepts 24 students a year based on grades. I can't get into the school with my current status as barely passing high school graduate, so I have to start at South Suburban and transfer in. I also have a back-up plan which makes me feel a lot better about the bleakness of this all. If I don't get accepted into a hygiene program the first year I apply, I'm going to start doing the prerequisites for a career in HR management. I'm very interested in the field, and the pay is amazing. So at least all is not lost. When I get a job I'm going to have to get a car. I'm scared about that, but I have to, and it's a good step. I'm currently not talking to Don or my mom. I don't think I'm going to talk to my mom for a long time, because I can't deal with her manipulation right now. Scott came home for the weekend, and it was amazing. Even though it had only been 2 weeks, I was missing him badly, and we needed that time. He's on the road back to Buffalo as I type this. I'm trying to get to a good place mentally, and really enjoy this time I have right now to relax and enjoy life. I'm fortunate that I have some amazing friends and family, and that my relationship is way better than it was two weeks ago. All things take time, and time is what I have a lot of for the moment.

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Bella Spaghetti
29 July 2011 @ 09:57 am
Of course LJ would be down this week when my life flips upside down.
Anyhow, two weeks ago Scott dropped a bomb on me. He wanted to go to Buffalo alone. In telling me that news we unfortunately got a bit caught up in emotions and misunderstandings. We broke up that night, and my mom came up to Evanston to pick me up. I spent the weekend home, and didn't talk to Scott until Monday night. We talked about everything, and a few days later we decided we did not want to end our relationship. I can't express how glad I am that we were able to talk and figure things out. As unideal of a situation being apart from him is, it makes the most sense for us right now. I'm going to live with my dad and focus on school, and Scott can focus on school as well. A train ticket to Buffalo isn't too expensive, so I will try to go at least once a month. I'll take this time to reconnect with friends and family, and just start my life. Today is my last day at work, and it doesn't even feel real. None of this has sunk in yet. I'm almost done packing, and my dad will be up here Saturday afternoon with a u-haul truck. It's the end of a chapter, but the beginning of a new one. It'll be the chapter of me reclaiming my summer first. I'm definitely sick of working full-time right now, and a break from it will be very nice. I have a lot of Maury to watch, and god damn do I need to go tanning. You should see how pale I am right now, internet, it's not right. My sister wants to go to the beach lots, and I'm all over that idea. I miss my immediate family a ton. My mom has been so completely awesome through all of this, I can't even express it. No matter what I ever do, mom's got my back. Feels great. Also my dad is amazing too. He's excited about me coming home, which is a great feeling. Time to rocket to "favorite" status in that household, like old times :D I'm going to spend all of August coaxing him to buy a pool, I think I'll be successful. I had planned on going to Miami for awhile with Don, but he really disappointed me throughout this rough time. I won't get into it, but I'm currently not speaking to him. We'll see what happens in the future, but right now I need positive things in my life.
I'm sure I'll have plenty to update with soon. Saturday I'm moving out, and Sunday is my last day to see Scott for awhile. Monday will be here too fast, I know it :(
Bella Spaghetti
11 July 2011 @ 07:24 pm
questioning my realityCollapse )
Bella Spaghetti
06 July 2011 @ 10:18 am
I've been avoiding posting waiting for the angst storm to die down a bit in my head. I ended up somehow missing 2 of my bc pills in a week, so it really made me all goofy. I very rarely miss 1, let alone 2, so that was just no good.
Vacation was good. Mexico, at least Cancun, is essentially just Florida though. Same weather and scene. However in Florida you don't have to worry about what you eat. We got hit by a tropical storm, so 3 days were nothing but rain. We did manage to get some sun though, so it could have been worse. It was nice to relax and not worry about anything for a week.

When I got back to work yesterday it turns out my friend that was going to replace me backed out of the job, and the new girl everyone hates volunteered to take the job since she wants full-time hours. LOL. I don't even have enough energy or desire to explain why this is so hilariously terrible. It doesn't matter for me though, because I'm leaving.

I wrote a checklist of things to do before the move, and I have to get started like yesterday. It still hasn't hit me that I'll be 9 hours away from everyone for at least 4 years. I think it'll hit me when I'm there. Everything is going to be such a big change. I'm scared about school, but I seriously can't wait to sit down and talk to someone about what path I'll need to get on. I'm behind on math, however it's not a bad thing. I'm actually spending a lot more time on it than I thought I would, and I understand what I've learned. I'm not too worried about it. I've been quiet because there hasn't been much to report. Everything is in limbo. I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about once we actually move.

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Bella Spaghetti
17 June 2011 @ 12:38 am
Swing, and a miss.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Bella Spaghetti
05 May 2011 @ 04:09 pm
Goddammit May, goddammit. You're here too fast, but yet again I'm yearning for summer...
I have made a firm decision that when we move to Buffalo, we're going to live on a cloud. One like this:

I want to hug those clouds, roll around them, and eat them all at the same time. I think that's a good quality to look for in an apartment.
The busy season at work is fast approaching. I feel like I'm not mentally prepared for it. I have too many other things on my mind. I put a notice in the computer that we're ending our lease July 31st. By mid-June we should venture out to Buffalo to look at apartments, and I need to have a moving company booked. At the very end up June will be our vacation to Mexico.
Applications for the dental hygiene program are due May 31st, so I will be applying for next fall. I think that works out best, because I might have to take classes beforehand, etc. It'll be nice to have some time to settle in.
I'm not allowing myself to get stressed out, because there's only so much you can control in situations like this. I think the fact that I'll be jobless actually helps, because I don't have anything already waiting for me. I could relax and take it day by day. I can't even imagine how weird not having a job is going to be though.
Anyhow, it's really neat to finally be headed off on a new adventure. It's even greater knowing that it's with Scott. I feel like sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be in such a great relationship. It's not that I take it for granted at all, it's just that when things work so well I never have to sit there and scrutinize my relationship. We get into fights, but pretty rarely. Usually it's over a misunderstanding of feelings, and I try to take a lesson out of every one to avoid it for the next time. I suppose I learned some of the hardest lessons just growing up and witnessing friend's relationships. Anyhow, I often get this warm fuzzy feeling inside where I just want to squeeze Scott to death because he is amazing and perfect and too beyond adorable and squeeze until his wonderful eyes pop out of his head. I think that is love. Never having been in a relationship before I had this dumb hollywood idea in my head about love and romance, and that's waaaay not what I want (and I know that now). Whenever I see total bullshit about the perfect guy, or dumb cheesy movies I just roll my eyes. Love to me isn't some dude buying you pointless shit, calling you honey, and all that garbage. Love is the fact that I could easily spend every moment of the day with Scott, I never get sick of him or want him to just leave me alone. I have absolutely zero doubts about wanting to spend the rest of my life with him. I think that's amazing. Too amazing for words I'd say. It's just a feeling. The feeling of knowing that you've found a partner for life in this cold, scary world.